ON THE ROCKS
By Andrew Watson
EXT. THE BEACH - NIGHT
The water swirls with a dreamlike ambience and the relaxed breeze of a summer wind is evident.
The waves wash against the motionless body of a young blonde, laying face down in the sand.
FADE TO:
EXT. THE DOCK - EARLIER THAT NIGHT
An empty, desolate place. Quiet enough to hear the palm trees moving over a cool sea breeze.
JACK HARTIGAN, a handsome man in his late thirties, strolls leisurely along the pier. He whistles and flips a coin continuously with his right hand.
He stops as he reaches a lamp post. He leans against it and sighs, bringing out a pack of Marlboro Light. He slides a Zippo out of his jeans pocket and lights up, a smoky silhouette of doom. He takes two hits and waits.
An annoyingly jaunty ringtone breaks the silence. JACK immediately collects the call.
JACK
Hello?
The other side of the call is viewed only through a shady vignette of the mouth.
MALE VOICE
What's in the bag?
Before JACK can respond, the line goes dead.
JACK looks down at his feet. A bulky black leather bag sits to the right of the lamp post.
JACK crouches down. His eyes waver over the bag. He opens it, tearing the zipper in the process. He pulls out a small sheet of paper. His eyes are tight. He places his arm inside and feels around for a moment. His arm comes to a halt and his face shifts a nerve.
FEMALE VOICE
Jack? Is that you?
JACK turns to his left to find a pretty young BLONDE heading towards him.
JACK
Hi...
BLONDE
Long time no see.
JACK
Wh... What are you doing here?
BLONDE
Actually... I have a date... tonight...
JACK
Oh... Really? Great... Good for you...
JACK's face is overcome with an immense sadness.
BLONDE
Thanks... What about you? Out here all on your lonesome...
JACK
Just getting some air... So where are you meeting him?
The BLONDE slips on the path and her handbag slams down on the pavement. JACK rushes forward to assist.
JACK
Let me help you...
BLONDE
Thanks Jack.
JACK notices a nametag on the bottom corner of the bag.
JACK
You always label your belongings?
JACK looks closer so that he can make out the name. The tag reads RAQUEL RODRIGUEZ.
JACK stops in his tracks. A shiver down his spine. A rush of blood to his head. A look of unexpected horror suddenly erupts on JACK's face.
JACK
Err... We have a problem.
RAQUEL drags the handbag out of JACK's hands and gives him a suspicious look. The two lock eyes.
JACK
You told me your name was Audrey...
RAQUEL
Hey... look... see... That wasn't my fault... We got drunk watching Twin Peaks, too much cherry pie, I liked the name, I'm thinking he's not even gonna remember...
JACK
My wife wants you dead...
RAQUEL
What? What are you talking about?!
JACK
She'll only marry me if I kill you... This date was a hoax... Jaime set you up...
RAQUEL lets out a pathetic laugh.
JACK
What did you do? Apart from change your hair, by the way, it looks nice...
RAQUEL
Really? Thanks, I wasn't sure about the highlights... I don't know... Does she know about the affair?
JACK
...No, I don't know, I don't think so...
RAQUEL
...cos this is a pretty extreme token of your affection if you know what I'm saying...
Out of the blue, a silver bullet grazes the lamp post. RAQUEL freezes. The two remain motionless for a moment.
RAQUEL
Uh, Jack?
JACK
Yeah.
RAQUEL
What the fuck was that?
JACK
Five minutes till I'm meant to kill you...
RAQUEL
Oh... Thats good to know... So how are you meant to kill me then?
JACK
You know, this conversation's starting to make me feel a little uncomfortable.
RAQUEL
It's making you uncomfortable. Right... Of course... How do you think I feel?
Before JACK can respond, RAQUEL jumps back in.
RAQUEL
What are we gonna do? Or perhaps more importantly, what are you gonna do?
JACK takes out the pack of Marlboro Light from his inside pocket and lights up.
RAQUEL looks around in disbelief.
RAQUEL
Hey, let me have one... Seeing as I'm gonna die anyway.
RAQUEL snatches a cigarette from JACK's hand. JACK's face is empty of emotion. RAQUEL is starting to worry.
JACK
I think it's best if we don't talk about it... Wanna hear a joke?
RAQUEL
I don't know. Do I?
We see the joke play out on the screen in front of us.
JACK
(V.O.)
...Okay, so this guy goes to visit his shrink... and he tells him... "you know I'm pushing forty and I'm... still not really having any luck with the ladies... and every time I try and get with one, they run..." so the doctor says to him, "well, I think you need to get out more... just let the ladies know that you're looking for a good time, be more confident with it and don't be down be so down on yourself..." so the guy goes out and comes back about a month later and he's still got the same sad solemn look on his face... and so the doctor goes, "didn't it work?" And the guy's like, "yeah sure, worked a dream, beautiful women left right and centre..." and so the doctor asks... "what's the problem then?" And the man says "I'm not the one with the problem. Its my wife."
RAQUEL lets out a belated laugh.
RAQUEL
...That ever happen to you?
JACK
(gazes lovingly at Raquel)
You tell me...
RAQUEL's lip quivers with a sad smile.
RAQUEL
Do you have a pen I could borrow?
JACK
Sure.
JACK crouches down to the black bag at his feet. He pulls out a pen and hands it up to RAQUEL.
RAQUEL
Thank you...
We hear a muffled bang, followed by a soft whisper of the gunshot. RAQUEL slowly drops to the ground.
JACK pulls a gun into frame and gently catches RAQUEL's body as she falls.
JACK
(softly)
You're welcome...
EXT. JACK'S CAR - SEVERAL MINUTES LATER
JACK opens the car boot and lifts RAQUEL's body into it. As the boot closes, JACK takes one last look at the contents. A lone tear slides down his cheek. RAQUEL's face stares back at him, before becoming engulfed in darkness.
INT. JACK'S CAR
JACK rests his head on the seat, breathes heavily and takes out another cigarette. He clenches it with his teeth and kicks open the glove compartment in front of him. He removes his phone and makes a call.
CUE: Flashback
EXT. THE BEACH - ONE MONTH PRIOR
JACK strolls along the beach, tuxedo untucked, cigarette in hand.
JACK
(V.O.)
Who'd have thought getting married could be so much work? An hour into our engagement party and I already need a smoke... Embarrassing family photo albums, cut price caviar and an abundance of drunken step-uncles... And what is is about your fiance's friends that always makes you hate them so damn much? Alright, so I'm a loner... I'm not the company type... Always have been. Always will.
EXT. BEACH HOUSE - SAME TIME
The beach house overlooks the ocean, sitting either side of the shore. An argument can be heard inside.
JACK
(V.O.)
The first time I met Raquel, she was working the nightshift at Franco's, the local seafood joint and the so-called caterers for this very occasion...
INT. BEACH HOUSE
RAQUEL, old hair and all, stands opposite an older Indian gentleman, SANJEEV.
SANJEEV
Twenty percent off for you my friend. C'mon... Just give me a little something something.
RAQUEL
Thanks for the... uh... kind offer but the fact is... you're a prick... and I don't trade seafood for sexual favours... no matter what I don't get paid.
Freeze Frame on SANJEEV's face. We read: Sanjeev, Age 63, He likes: Pussy, He doesn't like: Rejection
JACK
(V.O.)
6.50 an hour... And Raquel takes no shit...
SANJEEV advances towards her.
JACK
(V.O.)
...from anyone.
RAQUEL
Keep your dirty hands away from me you malignant little shit...
(raises her hands defensively)
I know Tae Kwon Do.
RAQUEL abruptly kicks SANJEEV squarely in the family jewels. SANJEEV squeaks out an inaudible yelp.
SANJEEV swiftly retaliates, punching RAQUEL in the stomach, who stumbles backwards before tumbling helplessly over the balcony. She hits the water as we -
Freeze Frame on RAQUEL's face. We read: Raquel Rodriguez, Age 27, She can: Kick, She can't: Swim
EXT. THE BEACH
JACK dives into the sea and rapidly swims across to RAQUEL, who is fighting for her life. JACK momentarily plunges below the surface before rescuing RAQUEL from the depths and dragging her to the shore.
JACK
(V.O.)
Raquel Rodriguez. An angel with a dirty face...
RAQUEL rests her head on JACK's arm, eyes filled with stars.
RAQUEL
(whispers)
Hi... there.
Freeze Frame on JACK's face. We read: Jack Hartigan, Age 39, He likes Raquel... but he doesn't know it yet...
JACK
(V.O.)
That was how it started...
FADE TO:
EXT. NIGHTHAWKS BAR - NOW
A neon light shimmers over the bar sign.
INT. NIGHTHAWKS BAR
A typical New York style jazz bar. Dark red leather seats and a cool blue decor. Smoke blows through the air and lands on JACK's head who is now sitting opposite an odd hairy specimen named HANK, who looks about ten years older than JACK.
The bartender brings over a bottle of red.
JACK pulls the cork out with his teeth and downs a quarter of the bottle.
HANK
In other words, the marriage is on the rocks even before you've tied the knot.
JACK puffs away heavily on a Cuban.
HANK
You actually did it?
JACK
...Got her tranqued up in the back of the Coop.
HANK
So you're lying to her already... That stuff's normally meant to be left till when you actually are married... See that's what I don't get about you two... Most marriages are built on trust... Yours seems to be predicated on a Walther PPK.
JACK continues to puff the magic dragon.
HANK
Think of it this way... What's the more practical of the two? The girl you're meant to be marrying next week... or the girl you cheated on her with at your engagement party?
JACK
There's the rub.
HANK
Its a tough one... Are you fucking nuts?! You're getting married, Jack...
JACK
Its more complicated than that...
HANK
Only cos you're making it... As far as I can see, the only way you can keep this girl alive is by killing your wife... Is that what you want? Cos it doesn't work both ways...
JACK puffs away.
HANK
So what are you gonna do? You gonna "whack" the wife-to-be? Wipe the slate clean, have her sleeping with the fishes and all that jazz... cos you're gonna have to...
JACK
So I take it you're against the idea then...
JACK gets up off his stool and heads out through the swivel doors.
HANK
She's just protecting her marriage...
Freeze Frame on HANK's face. We read: Hank Romero, Age 49, Vice President of the Florida branch of the NRA.
EXT. NIGHTHAWKS BAR
The neon bar sign now shimmers in the rain. JACK trudges across the street.
JACK
(V.O.)
Its February 14th 2006... But I'm not feeling the romance... The things people do to be with the ones they love... Makes me wanna fucking puke... 9 times out of 10... it doesn't play out the way you want it to... like some sugary sweet lovey dovey feelgood tv movie they like to put out around Thanksgiving... 9 times out of 10, love sucks... So here I am, finally a victim of the aforementioned... about to throw it all away for a quirky farm girl from Texas... Well... here goes nothing...
EXT. JACK'S CAR - SEVERAL MINUTES LATER
JACK wrestles the car keys from his back pocket and unlocks the boot.
As the boot lifts up, RAQUEL launches herself out of the car and kicks JACK in the stomach.
RAQUEL
You bastard.
JACK
(V.O.)
Another reason why St. Valentine's is always the worst day of the year. I really have no idea how to please a woman.
JACK
(gasping for breath)
I'm... sorry... I had to...
RAQUEL
You didn't have to do anything... How would you like it if you woke up one day... and you were dead?
JACK
You have no idea how much that sentence doesn't make sense.
A bullet shatters the glass of JACK's rear window.
We pull in towards a stunning pistol-whipping blonde.
Freeze Frame on the BLONDE's face. We read: Jaime Hartigan? Age 28, The college slut, She wants your sex
JAIME
Hey... Jack.
JAIME struts around RAQUEL, wavering the gun around RAQUEL's body. She doesn't take her eyes off her "husband."
JAIME
Whats going on... Jack?
JACK
Just showing Raquel my ride...
RAQUEL
(to Jaime)
You tried to kill me...
JAIME
You stole my husband...
RAQUEL looks awkwardly at her feet.
JAIME
Are we... equal now?
(Beat)
Do you love me... Jack?
JACK
(V.O.)
The things people do...
CUE: Flashback
EXT. THE DOCK - DAY
JACK is dragging a fishing shawl off a boat.
JACK
(V.O.)
How did I meet my wife? Actually, it's a pretty funny story. Back then I was fisherman... Don't laugh... but I actually paid attention to those ideal career seminars in high school... I got dragged in... hook, line... and sinker... the story of my life...
JAIME is seen flirting with JACK. Suddenly, she jumps up, like a raged chimp, melodramatically pointing out to sea.
JACK
I can't really remember what she said to me that day... only that it was really really sexy... Well, come on, it had to have been... i risked my life to save her grandmother's brooch for Pete's sake...
EXT. JACK'S BOAT - MOMENTS LATER
JACK and JAIME frantically follow the fisherman's boat.
JACK
Get my fishing rod!
JAIME passes the rod forward, JACK grabs it and with little thought, flings it towards the man's pride an joy. The reel narrowly misses the back of the boat.
He tries again, with little to no success.
He closes his eyes and with all his might, virtually throws the rod at the boat. It sails right over and catches the FISHERMAN sharply on the mouth.
FISHERMAN
(muffled)
Aah!
Freeze Frame on the MAN's face. We read: Sandy Bunker, Age ?, Plays golf, Sinatra fan, About to face the music
JACK wrestles manfully with the fishing rod and triumphantly pulls it back towards himself, snapping back SANDY's head in the process.
JACK
Oh crap.
JACK lets go of the fishing rod and clumsily steers the boat away from the inevitable disaster.
As they turn, SANDY's boat crashes head on into a broken down beach house and blows up.
Sparks fly an eruption of multicoloured fireworks light up the lake.
JACK
(V.O.)
Hook... line... and sinker...
FADE TO:
EXT. JACK'S CAR - NOW
JACK
(V.O.)
So... you've met the contestants. Now... What's it gone be?
JAIME hands JACK the gun.
JAIME
I'm waiting... There's two ways we can do this. Either you kill her... or I kill her...
HANK
(V.O.)
So what are you gonna do? You gonna "whack" the wife-to-be? Cos you're gonna have to...
JACK
(V.O.)
There's only one way to do this...
CUT TO:
INT. JACK'S CAR - LATER
JACK's car chugs and splutters down a slender spiral road. JACK's eyes are watering, his hands shaking ever-so-slightly.
RAQUEL
So how does it feel to be shot?
As JACK speaks, we fade in and out with the sound of gunshots as the camera peruses over a page from FirearmsID.com, which reads:
"The bullet acts like the cork in a shook up Champagne bottle. When the bullet exits the muzzle, pressure behind it blows the gunshot residues out of the firearms's barrel under high velocity. The residues are expelled from the barrel in a smoky cone shaped pattern."
JACK
There are no words... don't you think its slightly ironic that I was the one who was researching firearms last week? ...I don't think my car likes you...
RAQUEL
You call this a car.
JACK
There's no need to be brutal...
RAQUEL
I'm used to driving an automatic okay?
JACK
I thought you said you could drive...
RAQUEL
I'm driving at 80 mph down a two-way spiral road round a cliff in an Oldsmobile, give me a fucking break...
JACK
Yeah... I'm sorry... The thing is cops are actually trained to react to gunfire...
RAQUEL
How's the wife?
JACK
Droopy's gonna have a hell of a hangover...
JACK looks down beside him, where JAIME lies, eyes closed, cold in his arms, drool dripping down her face.
RAQUEL
Where do you want her dropped?
JACK
Down the bank... Not too close to the water... I know we've had our differences but I still don't fancy her sleeping with the fishes tonight.
RAQUEL
Fair enough...
RAQUEL swerves at the next corner, the car door on the right flies open and JAIME's body rolls down the side of the bank, onto the beach below them, before grinding headfirst into the wet sand on the shore.
EXT. RAQUEL'S APARTEMENT - LATER STILL
JACK
(V.O.)
I love how unpredictable life is. One minute, you're lying next to a beautiful blonde in a top-notch Miami hotel suite... the next, you're firing shots at each other in a fight to the death... I always did have a thing for the crazies... But in my mind, that only makes it more interesting. It wouldn't be half as much fun if we always knew what was coming next...
JACK's voiceover continues, as we follow JACK and RAQUEL over to the apartment block. A pretty little place with a smooth white exterior.
JACK kisses RAQUEL on the forehead and immediately heads back to his car. He turns the ignition and sends a subtle wave back to RAQUEL. She doesn't return the favour.
JACK
(V.O.)
So I guess the wedding's off then. But what do I tell the guests? I guess I'll go with the old "cancelled due to irreconcilable differences" line, usually seems to work. At least that way, I'll definitely be telling the truth.
We revert to the opening shot of JAIME lying face down in the sand.
JACK
(V.O.)
Tranq gun did the trick again. She'll be out for a couple of hours.
RAQUEL walks up the steps to her apartment.
JACK
(V.O.)
Even though it might be a fair few days, even weeks, till Raquel gives me a call... maybe thats a good thing.
JACK stands on the balcony of his beach house, looking out towards the sea, scotch in hand, breathing in the air.
JACK
(V.O.)
Looking out into the blue. A crazy calm provides a cool counterpoint to the night's chaos. And that's the way I like it. Life may not be perfect... but one can at least take comfort in the fact that... There may be trouble ahead...
Freeze Frame on the words "There may be trouble ahead" followed by the words Frank Sinatra (Let's Face The Music & Dance).
As "Oh What A Night" by The Dells kicks in, we pan from the scotch over the balcony, along the beach, past JAIME's body, before resting on the rocks at the edge of the sea and finally taking on the ocean itself.
The End.
2005. Copyright. Black Diesel Cinema. All Rights Reserved.