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Kimbja Index

Update 06/08/07

Here's a list of commandments that should make you laugh if you're a student

The 10 Commandments of University Students

I- Thou Shalt Nap And God gave unto Student a great gift, the gift of napping. God said to him, you shall spend half your day napping. You shall nap in class, in your room and in your friend's room. And God said, if you don't nap, you will not be able to stay up all night drinking. And Student said, nap I shall, and it was good.

II- Thou Shalt Get Sick All the Time Now God said to Student, you must be sick all of the time. And Student asked why. And God said unto him, you shall share drinks, stay up too late, drink too much and get off with people you don't know. Therefore, God said, you shall be sick all year round. But God said, blessed are the sick for they have partied the hardest. And it was good.

III- Thou Shalt Not Attend Lectures And Student asked, will this sickness affect my studies? And God said unto him, yes, but thou shalt skip classes for lesser reasons. You will skip classes because it is raining and you cannot find your umbrella. You will skip classes because you are too lazy to walk across campus. You shall sleep through your morning lectures and nap through the afternoons. Blessed are those that succeed, and those who do not shall resit the year or switch to Sociology. And Student understood God’s wisdom, and it was good.

IV- Thou Shalt Wear a Hoodie And then Student asked how he should make himself look like a university student. And God said unto student, you must wear a hoodie, for it is a useful garment. And you shall never wash it either. Student asked God, what kind of hoodie should it be? And God said, you shall own many of varying colours and creeds. And Student was pleased and God was pleased.

V- Thou Shalt Abuse the Library And God gave unto Student another gift, in the form of the Library. And He said, fear not, Student, it will not be demanded of you that you use this gift to catch up on missed lectures. You may visit with this intention, but your time will be spent surfing the Internet. You shall speak with your numerous fellow Students, and smoke. And God said, if you do not honour this gift, and if you use the Library to further your studies, I shall smite you. And the Student saw that God was right, and it was good.

VI- Thou Shalt Respect the Cheeky One And Student then asked of God, surely I must study sometimes, or I cannot be a true Student? And God in His wisdom replied, yes, it is true that Student must study. And Student did not like this, and began to weep, and God said unto him, Student, fear not the occasional class, for study you must. But to ease the pain, you shall honour the tradition of the Cheeky One, which will make the study more bearable, and help you to spend your student loan. God said, alcohol is another gift to you: it makes anything good better and anything bad more tolerable. And after your Cheeky One, you shall return to your home, and nap. And Student dried his eyes and thanked God for his generosity, and it was good.

VII- Thou Shalt Get Laid Student then asked of sex. And God said, Student, you shall get laid and be happy. You shall go home with random people every weekend and forget about them the next day. You shall see them at class and be awkward amongst their company. You shall exchange saliva at bars and parties and it will be good. And Student became gleeful and God told Student to wrap it up because He knows where she has been, but Student does not.

VIII- Thou Shalt Join a Club and Never Go to Meetings Student inquired of his spare time and God reminded him that he should be napping. But Student said he wanted to do other things. So God said unto him, you shall join a club at the beginning of the semester, but then never go to meetings. And Student asked why he should not go to meetings, and God told him, because they are gay. And Student understood His wisdom.

IX- Thou Shalt Wake Up Confused God said to Student, there will come many a day when you shall wake up in the bed of another and not know where you are. You will not remember what you did last night and you shall be confused. You will see that you have nipple rings and a tattoo now and are covered in Marmite. You will find yourself surrounded by items that do not belong to you, and of which you do not know the provenance, such as road signs, bicycle tyres, and garden furniture. And Student was disturbed by this, but God said, you shall tell great stories about it to your friends one day, and it is not stealing if you were drunk when you did it. And Student understood and God took a sip of beer.

And God gave Student the final Commandment :

X- Thou Shalt Gain Weight And Student wished to hear the final commandment and God said he would not like it. But Student insisted, so God said unto him, you shall gain weight. However, God said, you will not buy new clothes, so you will wear tracksuits a lot. God said, Student, you will watch a lot of TV and become fat, which caused Student to weep profusely. But God comforted Student saying, you will still get laid even if you cannot tie your shoes any more. Student felt better and God pointed to Student's chest saying, those will soon be bitch tits. And it was good.

Update 19/07/07

I found an old song andrew, me and josh made in 1994. I think you'll recognise how Andrew was inspired. It's named tentacle rap, because of the videogame Day of the Tentacle and the noises the tentacles made. I'll warn you now, it's not good!

m4a file (very small)

Click link to download the mp3 version Tentacle Rap MP3

Update 15/07/07

I recently acquired a DeLonghi PAC L41AH. Click the link to find out what I thought of it. Aircon Review

Update 29/05/07

Have you ever tried to derive pV^(gamma)=C but you've found the notes are incomprehensible? After a little playing around, I managed to do it, but you might as well have a look as if you're stuck, it'll save you a bit of time. All you need to remember is that H=U + PV, U=Cv dT, H=Cp dT and U=-PdV. In my derivation, I use U=n Cv dT which is fine as long as you use molar heat capacities. Attached is the pdf. If you're wondering where pdV + Vdp = nRdT, it's the derivative of pV=nRT (p, V and T are variables). Perfect Gas Derivation

Update 25/03/07

Design is finished, and the topfield has been upgraded. Have a look, it's simple to add more space Topfield TF5800 Hard disk upgrade

Update 09/03/07

It's 2007, and the reason I havn't said anything is because I've been bogged down in design. Yes, that's right, if you're a chemical engineer, doing final year design, just remember to get out of any relationships you're in (as you won't have time to hang out), cancel your extra curricular activities and learn to like coffee as design WILL take up almost 100% of your waking hours. Oh, and don't think you can escape to lectures as you'll probably end up missing most of them too as there's mountains of work to do. Don't forget your lectures though as many will set coursework which will be due in around the same time as design! On the plus side, you'll make new friends, and maybe lose them too, work with lecturers who I'm sure like to laugh at the inevitable silly things you'll be doing and finally making use of all those mini courseworks you thought were pointless a few years ago. Later on, I'll be posting information on VCM literature which, if you are designing a VCM plant, you may find useful. Obviously I won't post the articles (they're copyrighted or in actual books) but it should help cut down on the mind-numbingly dull process of research.

Lastly, logitech quickcams. I have a Dell XPS M1210 and it's a great little machine. The only problem is the webcam doesn't respond to low light boost or exposure settings. I have now found a fix to the problem, and that is to uninstall the software and put the old version on! Don't be tempted to update, try this and your webcam should actually obey what you tell it to do. Reason being is that newer software thinks it can determine the lighting settings for itself, which is rubbish. Stick to this instead. It may work with other logitech cams too if you have this problem.

Update 02/09/06

Picture this, you move into a new home (like me) and there's no network installed! The obvious solution is to install it yourself, but having seen what happened at the place we moved from, I thought it was best left to the professionals. Enter Scion Communications, a company based in the Reading area, who were willing to do the work. Some companies may scoff when they hear you want a home networked, but Scion were willing to take on the challenge. It wasn't so much of a challenge, in that I only wanted 12 network points instead of the thousands they're accustomed to, but there was a challenge in doing it neatly (esp as in the study, there are 12 cables poking out the conduit). All I had to do was arrange a date and payment and a few hours later on the day, all 12 sockets had been installed and tested to Cat5E specs using some fancy computerific testing equipment.

As is common courtesy, I made tea for the 2 workmen who came over, but I had a suspicious feeling they didn't like it. Maybe it was because for the rest of the day they didn't want anymore, or maybe it was because when the mugs were returned to me, they were outside (but I guess the dead plants enjoyed it?). I can't blame them though, I hate tea and coffee and certainly have no idea how to make a good cup. Tea/Coffee making skills should be improved before I step into a world of work...as it's not something to get wrong as a low-paid intern.

No network would be complete without a server cabinet to house the patch panels, cables, switch and computers, so one of those now houses the machines. Here are some pics:

Sorry about the quality, these were taken with a crappy webcam. But look how neat the box is (with a phone dongle and the wifi connection plugged in).

Of course, we need the wifi too and this box serves the purpose well. It can do 4 SSIDs (with varying levels of security), VLANs, 802.1x, WPA2 etc etc It's the 7760 if you're thinking of getting one.

Here's the final rack, with the 3 computers in it. From top to bottom, we have patch panel from wall, patch panel from servers, 3com 16 port switch, 1st computer (IPCop firewall, 500MHz, 256MB RAM, 3NICs, mobo generously donated by jez smith), broadband router, keys and other stuff, 2nd computer (File server, 1.1TB RAID5, AMD 3000+ Sempron, 512MB RAM) and 3rd computer (Web and Mail server, AMD 2800+ Sempron, 1024MB RAM).

The cabinet itself is a 600mmx600mm 18U from commsexpress. You can see more pics of the servers and cabinet at Server Cabinet

And if you need a network installing, speak to one of the very helpful advisers from Scion Communications

Update 06/04/06

I found a rather hilarious titbit on futuremark. You've probably seen it before but I think it's worthy of a place here.

1. Thou shall not rent the movie Chocolate.

2. Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.

3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.

4. When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.

5. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50% without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call B*LLSH$T. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400% )

7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever.

8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale.

9. Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.

10. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friends birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay.

11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beached whale, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.

12. Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it.

13. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.

14. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem - you didn't see nothin'.

15. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.

16. A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.

17. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

18. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.

19. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel... and it's free.

20. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

21. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

22. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin", then you may sit back and enjoy.

23. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting: "Yeah, baby, push it!", "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!", "Another set and we can hit the showers." " Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?"

24. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.

25. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to his beer.

26. Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except when she's withholding sex pending your response.

27. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.

28. Unlocking a car door for another man is polite. Opening it is gay.

Update 31/03/06

First update since 2005, we're finally moving house so expect servers to be down in a few months (though I may mirror to somewhere else). I'm also adding a 3rd server fo file storage as the dell has outlived its potential. The current plan is to add 4 300GB hard disks though that may change. In a RAID5, coupled with what I have already gives a total storage of 1.2TB. Here's a graph showing current disk prices:

Update 28/09/05

This made me laugh ;)

Londoners are feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings; the alert has just been raised from Miffed to Peeved. Soon, though, the levels may be raised yet again to Irritated or even A Bit Cross. Londoners have not been A Bit Cross since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from Tiresome to A Bloody Nuisance; the last time A Bloody Nuisance warning level was issued was during the Great Fire in 1666.

Be aware that the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from Run to Hide. The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate. The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing their military capability.

It's not only the French that are on a heightened level of alert: the Italians have increased their alert level from Shout Loudly And Excitedly to Elaborate Military Posturing. Two more levels remain, Ineffective Combat Operations and Change Sides.

The Germans also increased their alert state, from Disdainful Arrogance to Dress In Uniform And Sing Marching Songs. They have two higher levels, Invade A Neighbour and Lose.

Seeing this reaction in continental Europe, the Americans have gone from Isolationism to Find Another Oil-Rich Nation In The Middle East Ripe For Regime Change. Their remaining higher alert states are Attack The World and Beg The British For Help.

Finally, throughout Great Britain we've gone from Pretend Nothing's Happening to Make Another Cup Of Tea. Our higher levels are Remain Resolutely Cheerful and Win.

Update 26/08/05

Can you believe it's been over 4 months since I last updated!? Luckilly, all hasn't been dormant. I've had exams etc, but I now have a working webmail service and a forum, which although mostly related to Andrew's site, has a few additions of my own, such as the buttons, style (ugly grey). Of course, Andrew's an admin on that forum, so he can change the colours if he sees fit. IMAP server has been changed to dovecot to allow the webmail service to load and sort faster than before. With the addition of a PHP forum, all the pages have been updated to php thanks to a little code I found which is immensly useful. Getting rid of frames and instead inserting the code from Menu.htm into the tops of all the pages. So there's no need for frames and the mess I had before. I'm sure google will like the change too :p. Hope you enjoy, sign up to the forum to leave feedback.

Update 09/04/05

I've just come across the best site ever! I recommend everyone should read it, as it critisises Creationism. Now of course, you should also read some creationism sites to balance out the opinions, but I'll give you the link to this one anyway. http://www.daltonator.net/durandal/creationism/main.shtml

Also, The Perfect Lie is now available for download in the files section. There is high quality, medium quality and small file. There is also a comentary provided by the director/scriptwriter Andrew, as marked in the file names. Check the Files section for these. More Perfect Lie may follow. If you have difficulty following the plot, post on the chatterbox, as linked to in Black Diesel Cinema section.

The Wrayal link has been updated to point to his website, where you can download and try his other javascript creations. As it stands, IE still remains best for rendering javascript well, so it's best to load it up if you want to try stuff if it doesn't work in your other browsers.

Update 04/04/05

My oh my, how the years go by. I've changed the layout, as the more tech-savvy amongst you will notice the menu is now in a frame of it's own. This makes management much easier, and saves a little on your bandwidth too. I have also added a webmail section running on port 443, so the ssh access has now been moved to port 8080 (Andrew take note). Also, I've bought a new domain name, kimbja98.co.uk . I suggest people use this link from now on as I may change my service provider and that would break the current link. The menu is more streamlined, so it won't jump around no matter which page you're on. I've also updated the ICL year 2 section and the watercooling section under "Misc", so have a look there too.

Update 19/01/05

Happy new year everyone. I've updated the ICL section, more pics to follow though so watch out. I was also on telly, so see this clip to see me sitting in the back right of the hall. More likely though, most chem eng students should be able to see themselves.

VIDEO

Update 23/08/04

See the Velbon DV-7000 tripod review in the Misc section

Update 01/08/04

Site's up after the upgrade, files will be available when the file server is built, but everything else should work as before. In case Eros and Olga are reading, congrats in the footy (I know, it was a long time ago but it was better the greeks won than that other team...) and also your photos and others will be up in the ICL section, so if you don't want this to happen, say so now! Going to the lake district to see a herd of x-boxen soon and will bring back photarez. More to come later. Also, I turned off "self-hits" on my hit counter as andrew MUST BE BEATEN. No, actually it's cos his counter can't filter out hits from him (His IP is dynamic and you can only filter local IPs such as myself) so I decided to level the playing field. After all, someone from inside my network may visit the site, who knows!? Everyone should also go and see Farenheight 9/11. I don't usually get political, but everyone should see this as it's quite informative. Plus, it will help you vote for/against bush depending on what you think of the film.

Update 12/07/04

I've pulled the files section after Redmond (MS) owned my server by downloading Rear windows 98 several times and my bandwidth consumption went through the roof! So to satisfy my ISP (who'll probably moan if it goes on much more). So enough of that. Files section will be back up with some of the larger material removed! In other news, the server's been upgraded to 1.5GHz, although it only has 256MB RAM, serving pages should be slightly faster (bandwidth permitting of course). I've also set up a squid proxy server so websurfing will be faster (for me and other LAN users). Will be filming Andrew's next movie in a few weeks, so fingers crossed if it goes well.

Update 21/06/04

WOOHOOO! I have GMail! You can now contact me at kimbja98@gmail[nospam].com (remove [nospam] obviously to fool the web crawling spam-bots!). Of course, I may invite others such as the site owner of Bankrupt ;). Nonetheless, GMail is great and more people shhould sign up. In other news, I may start a proper forum, it'll be difficult, but I should be able to do it with the help of andrew (to replace the rather impractical chatterbox). I'll contact him and see if he's interested in due course.

Update 08/06/04

Update 05/06/04

Something about referals and Andrew's site has interested me. I've noticed he's been getting lots of hits so I decided to check out where they're from. I noticed that there are no referals at all. This means that no-one's linking from google or any other pages. In fact, btcentralplus and the ac.uk domain (if you do a whois) give Royal Holloway IP block and btcentralplus is andrews Broadband provider! So that means Andrew visits his own site and then claims at how many hits he has! If only I'd thought of that. Referals are a good way of telling where people have come from. If it's unknown, someone's just typed the address into their browser. And since 90% of Andrew's hits come from his computer...well, I think I don't need to explain further.

Update 14/04/04

Jack has asked me to remove the old videos from the site, so naturally, I had to oblige. Just finished doing an audio commentary for "The Perfect Lie", so that should be available with the original movie. Check the files section when the final is released. I doubt I'll be releasing a DVD-ISO, unless you want to wait a few weeks for it to download. Instead, there will be DivX copies available, subject to the usual permissions of course. You might have noticed the site meter has crept up on other pages, this is to track hits more easilly to the individual pages. The Black Diesel Cinema aka Andrew's site will also have site meters as soon as he gets the time to paste the relavent code into notepad! He gets many hits, and these as well as their sources, need to be counted. Apparently, his Fun Lovin' Criminals and exclusive Movie reviews have attracted much attention from web users, so if you're reading this, pay him a visit, it's well worth it.

Update 09/04/04

The Forum section has been removed, in place is a new download section, owing to the fact that I can't police a forum and the ftp server no longer works :P. It's now the files section, where you can get the files which used to be on the puclic side of the FTP, but since FTP never works, it's here now via HTTP protocol. Also, check out watercooling and the old movie mods in the misc section.

Cheak out my watercooling section in the Misc and ICL has also been filled with content. As always, andew's Bankrupt site is updated regularly so check often!

-KimbJA98

Update 27/02/04

This is the new layout, even more bandwidth friendly than before! Andrew's site now has a listing on this page, as does Al's wraytracer. Click on the logo to return to the homepage at any time.

Update 12/06/03 

I've updated the Cranleigh section, so go there now!  It isn't all finished, but it's mostly done.

-KimbJA98

Update 21/04/03 

I've added new stuff to the life section, it's getting quite big so be patient whilst it loads.  However, splitting it into more pages would mean some content could be lost.  Whether that's a good thing is up to you of course

-KimbJA98

This is the new layout.  For some unearthly reason, I thought the previous look was good!  Now, I found the button maker in the gimp.  I used it to make the buttons you see on the right, and since these buttons far out way MS publishers outlandish way of making gifs for EVERY picture (I know, even if they were the same, the pictures published were different!, taking up huge amounts of bandwidth!).  Website designers *cough* Cranleigh school *cough* take note that the gimp has many hidden features in the xtns bar (I only just found it...), which is very good at making any cool logos/buttons, anything for the web.  Apart from the fact that updating my site is easier, before, publisher would hyphenate everything.  Whilst you could turn it off, it was still annoying!  And when u save, the file made was 90 megs!  Some new sections, life stuff which contains boring personal stuff.  Not really worth going into even though almost everyone who makes a site thinks someone will be interested in it!  To be honest, not even worth a click.  Stuff which can't go anywhere else goes in there.  Cranleigh stuff, this might be vaguely amusing to the average outsider, should be funny to Cranleighans.  Gives an insight into the real goings on at school should any prospective parents happen to stumble across this site.  Anyway, browse around, and try not to waste too much bandwidth.

-KimbJA98